Boys and Bad News

I'll go ahead and admit that I haven't had a whole lot of experience when it comes to the opposite sex. I can count my "relationships" on half a hand and I'll admit 98% of them have been bad news.

It would have seemed that I'd get started at an early age, when it came to boys. I had my "first kiss" when I was 5 -- still remember it to this day. I felt like a damn rebel on that playground. When I was younger, I wasn't such a geek. I was super cute, all the guys in elementary school LOVED me to death. I wasn't ever without a valentine on Valentine's Day. When I lived in Illinois, BOTH of my neighbors "fought" over me -- it was awesome.

Stuff changed when I started "growing up". . . I got chubby and became a hermit throughout most of my Middle and High School years, mainly because I was extremely shy (moving around didn't help), super self-conscious about my weight, and always in the shadow of my "hotter" little sister (though I love her to death). Lame, I know, but I came out of my shell half-way through High School and was able to drop my baby weight once I got into college, gaining my confidence back and actually seeing that guys could be into me again. Now I'm the decently-cute girl that shocks guys when she kicks their asses in Call of Duty. (ok, ok I'm not THAT good.)

Yet, thus begins my Bad News Bears with boys. Let me remind you that I didn't have ANY kind of relationships in High School -- none, nada, nope. However, there are a few key points I'd like to share with anyone reading this who may just be interested in my own experiences -- or anyone who just wants to read my bitching.

**Red Flag #1 :
If the first "date" ends with your crush in handcuffs, more than likely there's NOT gonna be a future.

To the point, I don't care how drop-dead-sexy this guy is (or isn't lol), if he gets thrown out of a club and put in handcuffs because he's so drunk he knocked out a bouncer by mistake, just leave it. Seriously. "Chivalry" is one thing, but I've never really found it attractive for a guy to act all "big shit" and macho in front of me. Its just annoying, really. At least to me. As well, from my own experience, this guy will turn out to be a moderately-abusive alcoholic who you will later have no attraction to. 'Nuff said.

**Red Flag #2 :
If his car gets first dibs over you, get the fuck out.


Now I'm all about pretty cars, although I'm a complete sucker for a lifted, 4X4 truck on really big tires. (I'll tell you its the way to my heart lol) But when you find yourself picking up the tab on dinner and movie dates because all of HIS money is going to exhaust systems and cold-air intakes, it's just time to say bye-bye. I have no fucking idea how I put up with this in a relationship for 3 years, but I definitely did and I can tell you I'm a dumb ass for it. I'll have to say this was my longest relationship and I was wrapped around his finger through all of it, even after he broke my heart in two and left me on the curb because he thought he could find something better in one of his college classes. I'm not particularly anything super-special, but it was a big loss for him and I get a little amused at how much he realises that now.

**Red Flag #3:
If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.


Not meaning always, I'm sure. But if you're caught in a situation that you kinda wanna question, but leave it due to how awesome it is, try to go with your gut. Example : You're hanging out with friends at your usual restaurant hang-out and notice a really good-looking guy at the bar. You've seen him before but he's way out of your league (or you think he is anyways) so you wouldn't even think to go chat him up -- until you see he's chatting with a guy friend of yours anyways. Perfect, right? So you're all talking and things are cool,  then your group leaves and goes one place and your guy friend and Mr. Hottie go somewhere else. If you're anything like me, you keep in touch with your buds when you know their gonna be drinking -- I always tell this guy to text me if he needs a ride home. So later that night your friend calls you and says he's gonna need a ride. It's all good, your group (since you all pooled together) head over to where he says he is to pick him up. Well whatcha know -- there's Mr. Hottie too! And while your friend is going to the car Mr. Hottie starts hitting on you hardcore. One thing leads to another, and suddenly your making out with one helluva good kisser. No complaints at all, right? Well that is until you go ahead and get back in your car feeling like you're on top of the world and your guy friend tells you he's married and has kids.
Shit.

**Red Flag #4:
If he acts like a fucking baby, kick him to the fucking curb.


I'm not being a bitch, I'm being serious. There is a HUGE difference between being sweet and sensitive, and being a complete titty baby. Case in point - Mr. Manager.
(Please mind me while I rip this guy from limb to limb -- yea, it's that bad.)
It was my own mistake, I'll tell you, to have an odd crush on my last manager. He really wasn't my type at all - the pretty boy, still-thinks-hes-a-jock type of guy. Whatever, I figured since he actually had a job and was older than me that he'd be what I was looking for, and I was planning on quitting anyways since my job was getting gayer than Justin Bieber. So it sorta worked out -- he actually "asked me out" the day I officially quit, so I was thinking SCORE. Guess you don't really see a person's true colours when you're working for them - a big red flag I ignored in the beginning was when he told me he'd be going with the guys to a bachelor party one weekend and that he'd probably be giving me a call once he was drunk. I have no problem with that, besides the fact I really don't like talking on the phone too much, but when he started texting me every fucking five minutes letting me know what they were all doing, it got kinda weird. It's like, dude, I don't need an update for everything-I don't even know you.
"Just got in the truck!" "Just pulled out of the driveway" "Got to the hotel!" "Just got my first girly-ass drink instead of the beer I should've ordered!"  (yea. . . guys shouldn't drink pina coladas, I'm sorry).
The real problem was him calling me 5 fucking times that night instead of chilling with his guy friends. What kind of man sits in the bathroom of your hotel talking to a chick he JUST met instead of getting wasted and being a dude? You tell me.
Now, like I said, there is a difference between being sweet and caring and being a baby. I'd understand if this guy was my "boyfriend" but we weren't on that level. We were in the "chillin" phase, the "get-to-know" phase. Definitely NOT the call me when you're with the guys phase.
On the same note, I'm kind of a dude at heart, I'm the guy's girl. I don't like mushy, sappy, shit. I also need my space, I need to be by myself and make time to hang with my friends. I hadn't been talking to this guy for 2 weeks when he started forcing hanging out on me. He wanted to come over EVERY NIGHT after work. Not only do I have a REAL 8-5 job while he usually worked closing shifts, but I don't want you coming to my apartment smelling like a french fry either (at least say you'll take a damn shower?)
 When I finally started telling him this (in a nice way, mind you) he'd get so butt hurt that I'd wanna shoot myself in the ear.
"WHAT? I can't come over? WHY? Why can't I come over? Even for 10 minutes? Please? Boo fucking hoo!"
Yea. I'm serious, dude. That's how this guy was. And if it makes it ANY better, this guy would pick The Notebook over Transformers for movie night. If you know me at all, you'd know how much of a turn-off that is to me. Not saying I hate chick flicks, but like I said, I'm not one for sappy crap. Two of my favourite movies are considered "chick flicks", but I like them because they are good movies,  NOT SAPPY CLICHES. . . (50 First Dates and The Ugly Truth -- hell yea Gerard Butler ;))
When this guy's sister told me that he usually made her go check out movies for him because they were always chick flicks, it made me wanna vomit in my mouth. Gaaaaaayyy.
It was officially completely ridiculous when I had to break it off after our "lengthy" 3-week span of "hanging out". I wasn't missing out on anything of course, to top it all off he was a horrible kisser too, but apparently thought he was awesome. Uck.
After I tried to explain nicely that I just didn't feel like a relationship or anything more than friends would work, he didn't take the hint. Instead, he felt the need to write me a nice, long elementary school-style stalker message on Facebook. In this, he pretty much expressed his obsession with me and told me that even if I wasn't ready for a relationship right now he'd wait for me as long as it took, blah blah blah -- fucking creepy. I had no choice but to be blunt (mind you, as nicely blunt as I could be) and let him know there would never be anything in our future.
After the response he decided to go behind my back to friends of mine who still worked for him and tell them all I was a rude bitch, and therefore I deleted him from my FB. I wasn't surprised when the NEXT day after deletion he messaged me questioning the act and wondering why I'd done such a thing.
Dumb ass.

(**Small side note - I find it humorous that each of these "red flags" have gotten lengthier than the last lol, guess I was getting worked up. . .)

So there you have 4 very important notes to keep in mind, ladies.
You don't want an alcoholic, a guy who babies his car (a truck's a different story lol), a married man, or a fucking titty baby. This will more-than-likely guarantee you a future of complete misery!

Now, just to clarify so you guys don't think I'm a snobby bitch, I promise I'm honestly one of the nicest girls you'd ever meet - a genuine good girl. I suppose I'm just trying to give people a look at my mind-set when it comes to guys and how difficult it is to find the right one. It's a huge pain-in-the-ass, which is why I've been single for so damn long. Definitely is less-stressful though, just having to worry about yourself and not having to please anyone.
Maybe I'll find someone who I can't find so much to bitch about in the near or not-so-near future. If not, its cool - that's just more time for me to be a nerd without feeling guilty about it.

<3